Undiscovered.

12:21 am: screen name?
I totally need a new one, but I don't know what direction I should go.  I want something that expresses who I am, but not silly or weird.  I've done this and failed SO many times.

11:19 am: had a bad day...

07:22 pm: New Year's Resolutions

• eat healthier
• exercise more
• get another job
• live on a budget
• open a savings account (done!)
• learn about investing
• learn to make an omelette (done!)
• read more, try for a book a week
• watch one movie a week I've never seen
• knit a sweater
• grow a flower or plant or some kind

12:44 am: 2006
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?: Lots of things.  I fell in love.  I also did some stupid things.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?: Pretty sure I didn't make one, I was too preoccupied breaking up.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?: Nothing comes to mind...

4. Did anyone close to you die?: Again, nothing comes to mind.

5. What countries did you visit?: I started the year in New Zealand.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?: Money.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: 4th of July.  Probably one of the best days of my life.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: Ugh, not too many achievements.

9. What was your biggest failure?: Yeaaaah, um, not really sure I want to admit that here.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?: Yeah, I was dying for about a month in the summer, I had a couple viruses and infections.

11. What was the best thing you bought?: A Nintendo Wii.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?: Um, I don't know.  Certainly not mine.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: A LOT of people, myself included.

14. Where did most of your money go?: Food, movies, Christmas.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: Any time spent with Jason.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?: "Light my Candle" from Rent, and "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder?: Happier, definitely.

ii. Thinner or fatter?: Eh, probably about the same.

iii. richer or poorer?: Richer, I think...I mean, at the moment I'm in the red, but at least now I have a job.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: Telling the truth, and being honest with myself.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?: Being a...well...don't want to talk about it.

20. How did you spend Christmas?: Christmas Eve with family, Christmas Day with my love.

21. How will you be spending New Years Eve?: We haven't decided yet.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?: Yes.  I went through a lot of relationship changes in the past year.

23. How many one-night stands?: Technically no, I guess...it's complicated.

24. What was your favorite TV program?: LOST

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: Yes.

26. What was the best book you read?: There were a lot of good ones..."A Long Way Down," "In a Sunburned Country," "Kite Runner"...there were probably more but I don't remember.  Ooh, right now I'm reading "The God Delusion," that's a good one.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: There were a lot of these, too.  I like Panic! At The Disco, Franz Ferdinand, Anuna...So many more as well.

28. What did you want and get?: Jason

29. What did you want and not get?: Eh, complicated.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?: I don't remember all of what I saw...I guess "Stranger Than Fiction," that was good.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: I was 20...I went to dinner and saw Jason ; )

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?: Whatever I could afford...that's what it has always been.

34. What kept you sane?: I'm not sane.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: Didn't really care this year.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?: They all get me.  I still hate Bush, that's pretty consistent.  I hate censorship.  I hate the lack of separation between church and state.

37. Who did you miss?: I've missed the way things used to be, but know that it's better to be honest.

38. Who was the best new person you met?: Jason

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Learn to be honest about who you are and what you want and what you think; don't lie to yourself to make other people happy.  Stop and think before making a big choice, because you never know how things might affect your life later.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel.
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor.
Illusion never changed into something real.
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.
You're a little late, I'm already torn."

08:30 pm: stupid christmas
So, I went to Toys R Us tonight to see if they had any Nintendo Wiis (which they did not), and I was absolutely appalled by the amount of people there.  Not only tonight, either, every time I've gone there it has been mobbed.  I parked illegally after ten minutes of driving around and not finding a space.  Sometimes it really just makes me sick to think of all these parents in there buying hundreds of dollars worth of toys and shit for their bratty, selfish, and ungrateful children.  I mean seriously, shopping carts piled high with boxes, and don't tell me it's one present per kid.  These kids will be getting ten to 15 presents each, I'm sure, and they're going to lose interest within a couple weeks.  They'll probably be disappointed on Christmas because they won't have gotten all the toys they wanted.  It's just crap, I hate it.

Tags: christmas, commercialism, nintendo

06:55 pm: stupid, stupid, stupid...
Well damn, I overdrew my checking account by $25.  I'm not getting a paycheck for a week and a half.  I hope my new credit card arrives soon, because otherwise I'm shit out of luck.

08:41 pm: Click This!
I promise it's cool!



CLICK HERE

01:11 am: A tree does not think it is a tree; it IS a tree.
Just saw "Stranger than Fiction," which I really enjoyed. Totally go see it. Just in case you're retarded (like the people that write in the Review), it is not a Will Ferrell comedy, it is a very dry comedy. I absolutely loved it, it was great. Emma Thompson wears no makeup in the movie! (thanks IMDB)

Classes almost over!

Oh and I watched Hard Candy last night, which was good but pretty creepo.

06:05 pm: Click it down!
I like relaxing, but I hate wasting an entire day lying in bed. Watching Maury and Real World, no less...what a bunch of crap. Oh well, fun times tonight - dinner and a movie!

03:46 pm: One day I will be brave.
Last day of November, and it is SO nice out. This is my favorite kind of day, although it's a little bit too sunny.

I am out of money yet again, and my next paycheck will be pathetic, because I haven't worked for like a week and I'm not working today, either. bleh.

Jason and I watched Match Point last night...all I can say is, story of my life (for the past 6 months or so). If you don't want a spoiler, don't read the rest of this paragraph; but seriously, I AM Nola, I just haven't been shot yet. It really is freaky the way I am just like her in that movie.

I have to say, my Dad is doing well by me lately...he's getting me LOST seasons 1 and 2 on DVD for Christmas. I'm glad he's being more of a Dad now, and I'm really appreciating it. I mean, he was a suck-ass Dad for a long time, but now he treats me like a person. Good times. He's still kind of clueless though, he thought all Best Buy sells is computers. I straightened him out, he said he might go check it out today.

K, off to try to enjoy the fabulousness of today, if Jason feels like leaving his house.

01:05 pm: Thanksgiving!
Getting ready to leave for Thanksgiving with my Jason!  Gobble Gobble

06:45 pm: Time for a change.
Edit - I really don't understand why people think I am depressed.  There is a difference between depressed about everything in general, and upset because of the people you interact with.  I am completely in love with Jason, and contrary to popular (wrong) opinion, I am my happiest when I am with him.  He is the most straightforward and honest person I know, and he refuses to be fake to make everyone else happy.  After his example, I'm trying to be more honest about the way I feel about everyone else around me, because I never HAVE been honest.  I'm doing my best to become a better person, but everyone else around me and Jason resents that I don't want to keep doing my life the same way.  I want to spend time with family and friends, but the way I used to do it was by not caring about my own enjoyment or happiness, only about making them happy.  So yes, I played along with the inane little games, I pretended to like people that I don't, I sat around with people who were simply appeased by my presence and ignored my company; I don't want to do that anymore.  I'm not going to sit through a television show I don't like just because you want me to, I'm not going to get drunk or stupid (or enjoy watching other people get drunk and stupid), and in general I'm just a little bit annoyed by all the stupid fucking self-centered conversations and jokes and stories that aren't funny.  I know I need to work on letting people know a little bit more of what I'm thinking, so here's my start. - End Edit

I think it has finally gotten there.  I never take risks, I always lay down and let people walk on me to make it easier for myself.  However, I think I've finally gotten angry enough inside to really make a change.  I'm angry at myself for not being a strong enough person, I'm angry at other people for taking advantage of my faults and being unfair, I'm angry at the world that tells everyone that bad things are okay.  I've really gotten upset by the fact that I never trust myself and the things I know, and the opinions of other people sway me too much.  Maybe I've tried too hard to be openminded, and that resulted in me giving other people's ideas more weight than I give my own beliefs.  I need to learn how to be sure of myself, and stick with what I know is right.  Part of the problem is that I feel like a hypocrite for trying to be better than I was before, and for looking down on people when I've done the exact same things.  If you do things one way your whole life, along with everyone around you, it's hard to change your thinking, especially when everyone around you thinks you are wrong.  I have always tried to protect myself from confrontation, and always tried to make everyone around me happy, even when it means lying to myself and others.  I've become too complacent with things happening around me and too me that I don't like and that I'm not happy with.  My vision is partly jaded because I've been lying about many of these things for years, and when you lie for that long, you start to believe the lies.  And again, I feel like a hypocrite because what right do I have to hurt people around me when it was my choice to lie to them in the first place?  Regardless, I need to make a change, because I don't like who I am right now.  If I lied to you, sorry, but I'm going to try to stop lying and you may not like what results.





Continually failing these trials
But you stand by me nonetheless.  -Thank you, crazy monkey.

01:54 pm: : /
thank goodness studio 60 is back on tonight, because it is awesome, and not enough people are smart enough to realize that.

02:08 am: Friends Only
Comment and I will add you.